I went into a meat coma and I was sad : Memorial Day.

I slept for 13 hours last night after eating a whole lot of meat on Memorial Day. I don't usually eat massive amounts of ribs because it kind of freaks me out, but I was going for it yesterday, and the results were coma inducing. Along with the meat coma, I felt really sad, and then I felt fat for eating like an animal, and then I got sad about my dog being at my parents house until July and then I felt dumb because I had overdrawn my checking account again, and before I knew it, I was under the covers, hiding from the world. Perhaps I needed to be alone, under the covers, recovering from a long weekend. Maybe I needed some alone time. But it felt more like hiding from a full out freak out. Sometimes, when I feel like that, I can't do those things that I tell myself I need to do when I'm freaking out. Take a walk! Draw! Write about it! Take a bubble bath! Bake bread! Those options came to mind, but taking off my pants and diving under my covers won, hands down. And I felt so bad about it when I woke up! I mean, 13 hours?! What the hell, lady?! I could have done so many things in those 13 hours. I mean, even 6 of those hours could have been used for things and I could have slept for the other 7. Blah. Also, during this moment of feeling like crap, I felt super lonely. And like I needed lots of hugs. But the weird thing is, when I woke up, I felt like it was good that I had been alone because maybe I just needed to be alone, half sleeping and half thinking and dreaming for a while. I have no clue why, or if my body just had a negative reaction to BBQ, but either way, the only option is to accept it. Maybe I wasted a bunch of time. But maybe I needed it. Either way, here we are, it's Tuesday, and I'm in the office, and I'm not in bed, and I am not feeling lonely as shit, and I have not eaten my weight in ribs today so it is a fresh start for things like feeling healthy and productive. I feel like I'm trying to deal with two things a lot lately: feeling anxious, or sad or frustrated and, and then not beating myself up about it. That's the harder part, I feel. Because then, you're feeling bad, and then you're making yourself feel bad for feeling that way. That's not very nice. So ok, I felt like shit yesterday, and I don't know why, but there's no reason to dwell on it. I'm working on figuring out why I feel like I do when I do, and the last thing I need to be doing is beating myself up over it. So instead,  maybe find someone to give you lots of hugs or embrace being alone and quiet for a little while. Or just borrow a friend's dog, because honestly you guys, they are so good at hugs, in my experience. Just don't be mean to yourself. We can't have that.
xoxoxoxo