Things I'm pretty sure about. Today.

I just don’t have anything to say today.

That was the thought I had this morning, while I was lying in bed, thinking about the things that today needed to include. Besides dragging myself to the gym, I had promised myself to post a piece of writing here every Wednesday. For myself, and because it makes me feel connected to you people (I think there are a few others besides my mom, right?) and connection feels good. This morning, though, I started feeling like there was nothing to share. I wasn’t feeling super inspired. I was feeling kind of negative, and anxious. What does this sleepy, anxious person have to say, that could possibly matter? Not the best way to start the day, right? So I took a deep breath, and let my thoughts break up a little bit, and scattered them around in an even and gentle way. I learned things this week. I made things and I saw things. I don’t think they connect, but let’s see:

Inspiration can be borrowed. This last week I have been so proud of my friends for what they are doing. My best girl started a beautiful blog that makes me want to go run around in the sunshine and drink coffee while wearing a stylish poncho, while saving the Earth, and really, who doesn’t want to feel that way?  Another friend of mine started this fantastic dog walking and sitting company and it’s going so well. Another friend finished a half-marathon, and I can’t decide if I’m more impressed with that or the way she supports her community through her work in radio. Instead of feeling jealous or feeling bad about what I’m doing, I just grab some of their enthusiasm, and inspiration, and let it feed into mine. Know what I mean? I use my friends for inspiration all of the time. Strangers work well for this too. 

Give yourself a break. I get cranky when I’m hungry. I started carrying a granola bar with me wherever I go. Feel bad that I suddenly turn into a small child who needs a nap/bottle/diaper change? Nope. If you know that Thing A makes you unhappy, what’s something you can do immediately to fix it? Should I work on my ability to persevere through hungry and be more patient? Sure. You don’t have to become a better person all at once though. Do little stuff.  

Find a thing you can throw yourself into when needed. Sometimes the mind is moving too fast to “calm down, take a deep breath, blah blah”. Sometimes you have to tear around like a wild animal, right? Anyone else? This weekend I discovered that I can put my anxiety and “oh my god I’m going to freak. out!", into psychotically cleaning my house. And painting any and all things with white paint. Picture frames, a ladder, it all has to get painted. Manic sounding? Maybe? But it works, and I felt better afterwards. I have to wear myself out sometimes. Warning, this WILL scare the person you live with, if you happen to be cohabitating. Just tell them, with huge, bugged out eyes “I HAVE TO DO THIS” and they will leave you alone.

So that’s it. That’s what I have. But I have it, and it’s mine, and that’s what’s so nice about learning things. When you learn, that knowledge is yours now, they're tools, and for that, you’re better off than you were before.

What did we all learn this week? Speak up in the comments!

* thanks to Foxtail + Moss, Home Treat Home and E3 Radio for letting me borrow some of your inspiration today. 

Talk like no one is listening.

Do you talk to yourself? Good news! When children in the 3 to 5 age range talk to themselves, it's referred to as "self-talk", which I think sounds much less crazy than "talking to yourself". It is something that psychologists have observed in children who are in the beginning stages of developing their language skills, and apparently it's really beneficial. Self-talk helps kids form connections with others and connections between words and thoughts, in their minds. There's a lot more to it, but all I heard when I read this was "It is fine to talk to yourself, Alexis".

I talk to myself at home, SO MUCH. Sometimes I'm just explaining, out loud, how to follow a recipe, while cooking. It helps me. Sometimes, it is giving a very thorough and hilarious interview on "Ellen" discussing all of the amazing ways that I'm helping underprivileged children, and then I'm really cool and calm when she's all "hey, Ryan Gosling and the President are here to tell you how much they admire your work" and I'm all "wow, that's great, I'm honored". That is something that happens. Or an Oscar acceptance speech. Or a killer interview. Is it weird that I'm doing, crazed one-woman monologues in my kitchen while I make coffee? Or pretending that I'm making Morgan Freeman laugh super hard at my great jokes while I paint my nails?

Instead of feeling like a craze-o about this, I think it's good for me. Talking ideas out with someone is wonderful, but there's always a little hesitation, right? You inadvertanly will monitor yourself to some degree. Writing your feelings and thoughts down is great too, but for me, I can say what I'm thinking with more clarity than I can write it. So, perhaps self-talk is good for little kids in developing their communication skills, and it  helps us grown-ups sort out all of the conversations that are running around in our heads. Additionally, if you have really great responses to celebrity interviews that will probably never happen, this is a great opportunity.

Pro-tip: Need to talk to yourself, but don't live alone, and don't think your roommate/mate/dog cares to hear you ramble on? Fake phone convos, my friend. I have 'em all the time. Hold phone up to ear, and proceed to rant to yourself on the go. At the grocery store? Tell your ex why he sucks. On the train? Great time to practice telling the Academy how much you appreciate their support.

Note: Talking to other people is really good too. If you're sad and lonely, and talking to yourself feels sad and lonely, call someone who loves you. Or even someone who is moderately fond of you. Selfishly blather on, knowing that they have done the same thing at one point or another. Moral of the story is, you have things rattling around in that head of yours, and you've got to get them out there. So have a heart to heart with yourself. You're pretty fun to talk to.

xo